WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
