Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
