the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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