i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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