I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
