the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
