According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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