I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
