dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
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I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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