Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
