Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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