I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
