she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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