Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
