just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
