Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
