I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
