i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
