dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
