So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
