You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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