CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
