i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Define "chronic" masturbator.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Randomize
