Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So many bounce houses so little time
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
