Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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