the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
