remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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