so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
