Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Randomize
