I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
