it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
