Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
