You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This is classic penis vs brain.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
