so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Panties = found
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
