So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
