Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
