i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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