Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
