I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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