only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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