seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
