She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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