Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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