my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
