Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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