My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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