i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
