She is in my trunk
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
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WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
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I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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