just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
