you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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