okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
