No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
