Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
