so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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