I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
