Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
