Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
