I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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