Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
