My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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