Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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