There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My vagina just clenched in fear
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
