I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
