Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
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Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
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All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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