the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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