i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
