I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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