from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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