i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
as a side note pls kill me
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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