i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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