Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
