i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
