I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
