why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
