You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
