actually, I'm a sock model
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
