so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize