I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
They are going to name an STD after you.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
