apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
